oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
