how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
