I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
