Pappa wants mamma naked
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
