I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's