I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
