Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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