soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
FUCK WHALES
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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