wrigley field is MILF paradise
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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