i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
