I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
