Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
