Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
