I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
