sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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