Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
