I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
