I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
