took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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