Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
