My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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