shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
