I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
