you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
