yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Are my feet made of real feet?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
