I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh god it's open bar.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
