I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
