hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
