i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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