Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
