I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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