Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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