Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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