lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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