We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize