I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
