YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
