I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
