one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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