In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish you could order shots online.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's just like the Real World with babies
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
