thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
