I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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