... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
