I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
