Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
