see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
