so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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