So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
