So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We talked him into tasing himself.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
