Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
