she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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