Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
