$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
