I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
