He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
