Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
