I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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