took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
