I'm gonna have a badass scar
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And then my night got REAL pukey
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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