dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
