i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
