I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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