No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
