so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize