Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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