it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
