After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
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Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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