i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you had me at cake vodka
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
