shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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