she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
