come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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