omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
