I would go down on you faster than GM stock
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
