Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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