It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
