Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
