fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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