I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
