Screwed.edu
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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