but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
