You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
